Booker’s Bachelor Breakdown: Barely-There Bikinis & Baby Voices

By Sarah Carroll

It’s Tuesday and you know what that means? It’s time for another breakdown of The Bachelor brought to us by our very own Booker!

Each week, he selflessly suffers through all the dating show hot messes to give us his thoughts and predictions.

To quickly recap, last week, Farmer Chris met all 30 bachelorettes. He managed to ax eight by the end of the evening, until one whined so much he let her back onto the show.

This week, the women were treated to two group dates and one highly-coveted one-on-one date. Well, Chris ended up throwing a pool party for his first group date and things got a little raunchy!

“This one girl was great. Her bikini was so small, they had to black bar her butt!” Booker told Carson. “And then, when she turned around, they put a black bar around the front, which I’ve never seen before!”

Why did ABC go heavy on the censorship? Bachelorette Jordan, who may or may not be drunk 90% of the time on the show, explained Jillian could use a little help in the hair removal department…And that’s all we’re gonna say about that. Yup.

The other group went paint-balling. Inappropriate joke-telling Kaitlyn won the rose saving herself from elimination later that week.

Who won the solo date? Megan, who is not one of Booker’s favorites.

“She’s like an airhead makeup artist, which I’m sure they’ll need in Iowa. The show kind of went on a bummer note because her dad died and she whined about it. I almost died from boredom!”

Oh no, he didn’t! Oh yes, Booker just did.

Now that week two is in the books, Booker is re-evaluating his top candidates and things have shifted since the show’s premiere.

“Britt, that’s the waitress from LA. She’s the frontrunner on the show. She’s so cute. She’s the obvious frontrunner…She kissed him on the first night.”

Kelsey, Kaitlyn, and Tracy also score high on his rankings.

“The wildcard is this girl named Whitney. She has this baby voice and a Chicago accent on top of it, so it’s awful, but he’s into her. I’d like to toss her out, but I definitely think she’s one of the top five.”

Listen to his entire recap below and check him out on Twitter (@ChrisBooker) to follow along with his Bachelor live-tweets every Monday night!

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