We scan the headlines so you don’t have to.

By Ande Dagan – Celebsnacker

  • Lindsay LohanBurglers try and break into Lindsay Lohan’s messy a$$ house. The Superficial

  • Tony DanzaTony Danza answers the nation’s call to service. By teaching 10th grade English. For a reality show. BWE

  • AnistonBrad Pitt drunk dialing Jennifer Aniston is probably as likely as Angelina tweeting about it to John Mayer. Showbiz Spy

  • Kate GosselinJon and Kate plus eight, plus bodyguard? Just Jared

  • Susan SarandonSusan Sarandon is opening a ping pong bar in NYC. In other news, Susan Sarandon is awesome. E! Online

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