The Amazing Race Recap – Down to Three!
Ande

By Ande Dagan

For the third episode in a row, the Racers remained in China. This was great for Tammy and Victor  (right) who (if by some miracle you have forgotten) are fluent in Chinese and were able to finish this leg of the race in about four and a half minutes. Seriously. As little kids, while you were eating Pop Rocks and watching the pervert episode of Diff’rent Strokes for the 80th time, these two were in Chinese school conjugating verbs.

The four remaining teams started out with a (pointless) motorized bike ride around The Forbidden City then ended up at the Detour where Tammy and Victor served Chinese food to a bunch of people and took the early lead. The other teams chose the opera task and had to paint each other up in traditional Chinese tranny garb. Kisha decided she wanted to be the girl for once and let her sister make her up into a hot mess. Meanwhile Sinister Deaf Kid decided to finger paint all over his Bionic Mom’s face. She was not pleased. Jaime and Cara were late to the task. The Ginger Twins were running around screaming at various Chinese people about how much they sucked and that because there were so many of them, they couldn’t find a cab.

Once they were all painted up, the three teams wandered the streets of Beijing scaring babies and searching for their next clue. This went on FOREVER. Meanwhile, Tammy and Victor U-Turned Kisha and Jen and made it to the Road Block where Victor had to eat a bunch of fried bugs and a cute little starfish. For their U-Turn task, Kisha and Jen had to go back and serve Chinese food to a table full of hungry peasants. While doing so, they said a bunch of unintentional funny things in Chinese, like ‘ricecake hillbillies eat flaming lamps.’ Or whatever. (Look for the Ricecake Hillbillies next single to drop on AMP in the near future).

The rest of the painted trannies eventually found their clue and ate their bugs. Victor and Tammy crossed the finish line and took a four hour nap. Next came Sinister Deaf Kid and Bionic Mom leaving the last two teams in a dead heat. Suddenly Jen decided to pull the stupidest mistake that’s ever been made on a competitive reality show. Ever. She had to pee, like real bad. Rather than cross the finish line first, or screw it – pee while running (don’t think for a million dollars you wouldn’t consider it) they stopped so she could do her thing. And in doing so, Kisha and Jen let The Gingers pass them and become the last team to make it to the final three.  Watch it below:

Next week, the finale! Who are you rooting for to win it all?